' 'Bury it,'
said one adviser; 'don't decide.' 'That means digging it up again and
reproducing at will.' 'Get a man to do it for you,' said No. 2; 'don't
appear in it.' 'I have got that,' I said. 'I can take in the world,
but I cannot deceive God Almighty, who holds my husband's soul in His
hands.' I tested one man who was very earnest about it: 'Let us go
and consult So-and-so'; but he, with a little shriek of horror, said,
'Oh, pray don't let me have anything to do with it; don't let my name
get mixed up in it, but it is a beautiful book I know.'
"I sat down on the floor before the fire at dark, to consult my own
heart, my own head. How I wanted a brother! My head told me that sin
is the only rolling stone that gathers moss; that what a gentleman, a
scholar, a man of the world may write when living, he would see very
differently to what the poor soul would see standing naked before
its God, with its good or evil deeds alone to answer for, and their
consequences visible to it for the first moment, rolling on to the end
of time. Oh for a friend on earth to stop and check them! What would
he care for the applause of fifteen hundred men now--for the whole
world's praise, and God offended. My heart said, 'You can have six
thousand guineas; your husband worked for you, kept you in a happy home
with honour and respect for thirty years. How are you going to reward
him? That your wretched body may be fed and clothed and warmed for a few
miserable months or years, will you let that soul, which is part of your
soul, be left out in cold and darkness till the end of time, till all
those sins which may have been committed on account of reading those
writings have been expiated, or passed away perhaps for ever? Why, it
would be just parallel with the original thirty pieces of silver!' I
fetched the manuscript and laid it on the ground before me, two large
volumes' worth.
Pages:
341
342
343
344
345
346
347
348
349
350
351
352
353
354
355
356
357
358
359
360
361
362
363
364
365