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Thackeray, William Makepeace, 1811-1863

"The Book of Snobs"

Papworthy; who says to Poppins, the butler
at the Club:--
PAPWORTHY.--'Poppins, I'm thinking of dining early; is there any cold
game in the house?'
POPPINS.--'There's a game pie, sir; there's cold grouse, sir; there's
cold pheasant, sir; there's cold peacock, sir; cold swan, sir; cold
ostrich, sir,' &c. &c. (as the case may be).
PAPWORTHY.--'Hem! What's your best claret now, Poppins?--in pints, I
mean.'
POPPINS.--'There's Cooper and Magnum's Lafitte, sir: there's Lath and
Sawdust's St. Julien, sir; Bung's Leoville is considered remarkably
fine; and I think you'd like Jugger's Chateau-Margaux.'
PAPWORTHY.--'Hum!--hah!--well--give me a crust of bread and a glass of
beer. I'll only LUNCH, Poppins.
Captain Shindy is another sort of Club bore. He has been known to throw
all the Club in an uproar about the quality of his mutton-chop.
'Look at it, sir! Is it cooked, sir? Smell it, sir! Is it meat fit for
a gentleman?' he roars out to the steward, who stands trembling before
him, and who in vain tells him that the Bishop of Bullocksmithy has just
had three from the same loin. All the waiters in the Club are huddled
round the captain's mutton-chop. He roars out the most horrible curses
at John for not bringing the pickles; he utters the most dreadful
oaths because Thomas has not arrived with the Harvey Sauce; Peter comes
tumbling with the water-jug over Jeames, who is bringing 'the glittering
canisters with bread.


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