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Thackeray, William Makepeace, 1811-1863

"The Book of Snobs"

'Come in, Goldmore,' says he; 'just in time, my boy. Open
the door, What-d'ye-call'um, and let your master out,'--and
What-d'ye-call'um obeyed mechanically, with a face of wonder and
horror, only to be equalled by the look of stupefied astonishment which
ornamented the purple countenance of his master.
'Wawt taim will you please have the CAGE, sir?' says What-d'ye-call'um,
in that peculiar, unspellable, inimitable, flunkefied pronunciation
which forms one of the chief charms of existence.
Best have it to the theatre at night,' Gray exclaims; 'it is but a step
from here to the Wells, and we can walk there. I've got tickets for all.
Be at Sadler's Wells at eleven.'
'Yes, at eleven,' exclaims Goldmore, perturbedly, and walks with a
flurried step into the house, as if he were going to execution (as
indeed he was, with that wicked Gray as a Jack Ketch over him). The
carriage drove away, followed by numberless eyes from doorsteps and
balconies; its appearance is still a wonder in Bittlestone Street.
'Go in there, and amuse yourself with Snob,' says Gray, opening the
little drawing-room door. 'I'll call out as soon as the chops are ready.
Fanny's below, seeing to the pudding.'
'Gracious mercy!' says Goldmore to me, quite confidentially, 'how could
he ask us? I really had no idea of this--this utter destitution.'
'Dinner, dinner!' roars out Gray, from the diningroom, whence issued a
great smoking and frying; and entering that apartment we find Mrs.


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