I have had physical health and much
seeming prosperity; but to be acutely sensitive to the pleasures of
happiness and peace is generally to be morbidly sensitive to the
burden of cares. Unhappiness is a subjective thing. As Mrs.
Gummidge so truly said, when she was reminded that other people had
their troubles, "I feel them more." And if I have upheld the duty
of seeking peace, it has been like a preacher who preaches most
urgently against his own bosom-sins. But I am sure of this, that
however impatiently one mourns one's fault and desires to be
different, the secret of growth lies in that very sorrow, perhaps
in the seeming impotence of that sorrow. What one must desire is to
learn the truth, however much one may shudder at it; and the longer
that one persists in one's illusions, the longer is one's learning-
time. Is it not a bitter comfort to know that the truth is there,
and that what we believe or do not believe about it makes no
difference at all? Yes, I think it is a comfort; at all events upon
that foundation alone is it possible to rest.
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