No, I didn't see any
impediment on the score of age. I dare say no man does and I was
pretty confident that with a little preparation, I could make a
young girl happy. I could spoil her as few young girls have ever
been spoiled; and I couldn't regard myself as personally repulsive.
No man can, or if he ever comes to do so, that is the end of him.
But, as soon as I came out of my catalepsy, I seemed to perceive
that my problem--that what I had to do to prepare myself for
getting into contact with her, was just to get back into contact
with life. I had been kept for twelve years in a rarefied
atmosphere; what I then had to do was a little fighting with real
life, some wrestling with men of business, some travelling
amongst larger cities, something harsh, something masculine. I
didn't want to present myself to Nancy Rufford as a sort of an old
maid. That was why, just a fortnight after Florence's suicide, I set
off for the United States.
II
IMMEDIATELY after Florence's death Leonora began to put the
leash upon Nancy Rufford and Edward. She had guessed what had
happened under the trees near the Casino. They stayed at
Nauheim some weeks after I went, and Leonora has told me that
that was the most deadly time of her existence.
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