But then
--even then--I shirked being honest with myself. I had meant
to tell him that it must end because I had grown to love you,
but my pride rose up and tied my tongue. I could not humiliate
myself. I put the case before him in another light. It was a
tussle of wills--and I won; but the victory was not what it
should have been. That was proved to-day when he returned to
tell me of the loss of this telegram. It wasn't the fear that
Lady Astrupp had found it; it wasn't to save the position that
I jumped at the chance of coming back; it was to feel the joy
of living, the joy of seeing you--if only for a day!" For one
second he turned towards her, then as abruptly he turned away
again.
"I was still thinking of myself," he said. "I was still
utterly self-centred when I came to this room today and
allowed you to talk to me--when I asked you to see me
to-night as we parted at the club. I sha'n't tell you the
thoughts that unconsciously were in my mind when I asked that
favor. You must understand without explanation.
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